Gay couple relationship goals
What are your aspirations as a gay couple, to have designer dogs with cute names, to bet on the winning queen on Drag Race, to jet set, or something even more? We think it’s the latter, and here’s why.
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Why money must be included in your list of gay couple goals
A leading factor why gay couples divorce, not unlike straight couples, and why gay individuals are unhappy is financial stress and financial insecurity. So, having a healthy, happy relationship and truly living a fabulous life also means talking about and managing your money together.
Studies show – and we confess anecdotally – that gay couples who talk about their money have better sex lives. That’s enough reason to talk about your money together. Right?!
If you’re not sure how to have, don’t know what to do or where to start the money talk, start with the Couples Money Guide.
The Couples Money Guide was created by a gay couple – wink wink! – for gay couples. It starts off with guiding you to finding the perfect life and money mate to locking in all your financial matters when it’s time to say, “I do.”
The Couples Money Guide will set you up for a lifetime of financial security if you want it, and at just $27, it’s a cheap way to get you on that path.
Now that you see the importance (and fun) of having the money talk, let’s get onto those 21 gay couple goals.
1. Buy a home together
Having a place of your own creates a sense of togetherness as a couple.
It’s a tangible goal and gives you all sorts of things to call “ours.” Plus, you’ll get the benefits of a combined budget rather than living separately – more on that further down.
If you think you’ll be house poor owning a home, think again. There are several steps gay couples can take over one to five years to make themselves perfect candidates for owning a home. On a recent Queer Money® podcast, we share five smart tips gay couples can take to prepare for buying a home together. Take a listen.
5 Smart Money Tips When Buying a Home as a Couple:
Then, when you’re ready to achieve this monumental goal together, get the right mortgage for yourselves.
2. Pay off our credit card debt
We’re the Debt Free Guys, so it’s kinda a given that we’d say this. Right? Plus, paying off credit card debt is key to some of the other gay couple goals on this list. That’s exactly why we did it. Paying off our debt allowed us to travel to Australia, New Zealand, Spain, France, England and so many more places.
Did you know that 56% of the queer community stress about money every week?
That emotional stress can sabotage a relationship and age you ungracefully. Paying off high-interest credit card debt will save you and your man money, improve your credit score and help you sleep better together at night.
We paid off $51,000 in credit card debt in two and a half years with our unique Debt Lasso Method. It’s faster and saves you more money than either the Snowball or Avalanche methods.
3. Adopt children together
There are over 1.5 million children in the foster care system, 1.5 million kids who’d love to have two daddies like you love them, too.
Grow your family and save a child from a system that bounces them from one house to another (up to 9 times before they’re finally adopted or aged out of the system). Only about 20% of LGBTQ people have children, though any gay couple with kids will tell you it’s one of the best goals they’ve ever achieved.
We interviewed a gay couple for Queer Money® while they were in the middle of their adoption experience. Jonathan and Christopher share everything they learned, including how they prepared financially for ultimately adopting their sibling daughters.
Hear all about Jonathan & Christopher’s adoption experience:
The Couples Money Guide walks gay couples step-by-step through all the options for growing your family, their costs and how to save for whichever option is best for you. Sign up for the guide by clicking here.
4. Get to know transgender folks in our community
Thanks to many of our allies, the Ls, the Gs and Bs of our community are much more comfortable being out. That’s because they saw us as their friends, neighbors and family. Transgender folks are still seeking that same acceptance and love.
One way we can support them as gay couples is to get to know more trans folks in our local and broader communities. This gay couples goal enriches lives and spreads love.
Dominique Jackson, of Pose and Strut, shares her experience on Queer Money® about coming out as trans and her not-so-easy move to the U.S. to become the star she is today.
Listen to Dominique’s life and money story and be inspired:
5. Say “I love you” every day
The three little words every single guy or gal wants to hear. It’s the stuff of romcoms and storybooks. Don’t forget to say it – I Love You – to each other every day.
6. Explore the world together
Oh, the gays and our travel. A recent survey by Grindr showed that we spend upwards of 10% of our annual income on travel.
No shame, though. More travel’s one of our three relationship goals (along with saving for a fabulous retirement and giving back). So, go out, have fun and see the world – just do it money smart.
By strategically using travel rewards credit cards and paying your balance off every single month – every . . . single . . . month, you can get a lot of free travel by using your travel rewards credit cards for everyday purchases you already make.
Here are our favorite travel rewards credit cards:
Zach Stafford of Grindr joined us on Queer Money® to talk about gay travel trends and how to save more money on travel both within the US and abroad. Hear how you can travel more and save money.
Hear Grindr’s travel and money tips on Queer Money®:
7. Save for a fabulous retirement
Sadly, too many gay men email us as they’re rapidly approaching 65 years old asking what they can do today to retire tomorrow. So, although it maybe 20, 30 or even 40 years away and may feel too far away to think about, you clearly don’t want to be one of them.
The good news is, the earlier you start saving and investing for retirement, the less money you have to save. That’s the magic of compounding interest. If you wait too long to start, when you do start, you’ll have to cut an even larger chunk of your current lifestyle, likely making it not-so-fabulous.
Who wants that? No one! That’s why we created a comprehensive guide for a fabulous retirement in 21 steps. Read ‘How to Retire? 21 Tips for Financial Planning for Retirement’ by clicking here.
Watch 3 Steps to Living the Fabulous Life of Your Dreams:
Get your 401(k) connected to Blooom
401(k)s, 403(b)s and other company-sponsored retirement plans are confusing and investment options are limited. Too, too many people simply ignore their retirement plans for these reasons and that’s a costly mistake.
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Blooom will analyze your investment options and give you unbiased advice to build a portfolio that best suits your retirement goals. Best of all, you have nothing to lose. Blooom’s analysis is free.
If you’re concerned about the current market volatility and its effects on your 401(k), 403(b), Blooom as three special O’s to help you with your investing during these turbulent times that you can see here.
8. Mentor LGBTQ youth
Upwards of 40% of homeless kids identify as LGBTQ. That means there are tons of kids who need a guiding hand to help make better life decisions. For those who don’t have parents in their lives, you can fill that role.
Visit with your local LGBTQ center to see what opportunities are available to help kids in need.
9. Support LGBTQ friendly politicians
We have to do more than vote.
It takes money and volunteers to get the officials elected who advocate and push for our rights. So, find the politicians you and your main man support, and support them with your time or money.
Knock on doors. Raise money. Attend fundraisers (and bring your friends). #9 is one of the main reasons we’re passionate about queer money.
10. Visit the Stonewall Inn in NYC
The Stonewall Inns is the epicenter of the U.S. fight for LGBTQ rights. It’s, also, now a museum in New York, thanks to President Barack Obama.
Make it one of your gay couple goals to visit. Then, take in the rest that NYC has to offer. For free and cheap events and activities in NYC, visit theskint.com.
Travel smart to NYC and save money
1. Use Airbnb rather than a hotel or motel
Unless we have hotel points from a travel rewards card, we almost always use Airbnb.
With Airbnb, you typically get more for your money, they’re less hotel-like (sterile and poorly decorated) and we usually get an Airbnb with a kitchen. We like the kitchen option because, at the very least, we’ll make our own breakfasts and lunches to keep costs down more.
2. Use travel rewards cards to earn rewards for future travel
Travel rewards credit cards are great ways to earn miles for future flights or hotel points for future overnights.
By strategically using travel rewards cards, you can travel more for less. That’s not a tagline. We put our everyday and travel expenses on our travel rewards credit cards and – most importantly – pay the balances off every money, and we have more miles and hotel points that we can use right now.
Here are our current, favorite travel reward credit cards:
11. Hold hands while you walk down the street
There’s a level of excitement and love that comes from walking down the street or through a local store holding hands with the man you love.
We love holding hands whenever and wherever we can. It’s another way of showing our neighbors that our relationships are more than the occasional bump and Grindr. More so, it’s a way of sharing a tender moment when we’re having fun or just running errands.
Unfortunately, there are too few places in America where a same-sex couple can show this level of non-sexual affection.
If you can’t hold hands with the one you love in your hometown, find where you can go so at least once a year or move to one of the 25 gay-friendly cities we found for you on this list right here.
12. Support LGBTQ-owned businesses and entrepreneurs
The LGBTQ buying power in the U.S. is over $1 trillion, yet too much of our money goes to companies and organizations that don’t support our community.
Did you know that there are over nine companies in the Fortune 500 that don’t have LGBTQ employee protections, companies like Twentieth Century Fox, which makes movies and television shows we’ve all watched?
Let’s spend more of our money in our community and with companies that support us.
Hear Jonathan Lovitz of the NGLCC talk about the buying power and strength of our community:
13. Leave a legacy for the LGBTQ community
There are hundreds of organizations across the United States that fight every day for our rights. Many of them do it on shoestring budgets. Let’s change that. Set a goal as a gay couple to leave a legacy to further LGBTQ rights long after you’re both gone.
There are creative ways, such as using life insurance, to leave a bigger legacy than you may be able to do with your own savings and investments. If you wish, there are contingencies you can place on your donations to ensure your money’s used as you wish.
We share the specifics of all that and more in the Couples Money Guide, which you can sign up for here.
14. Attend a local or national LGBTQ march
Whether it’s in your own backyard or the nation’s capital, there’s always something happening for LGBTQ rights. As a couple, you’re now privileged with many rights that our forefathers, foremothers and trans family fought for over 50+ years.
Let’s honor their efforts by continuing the marches, advocacy, fundraising, door knocking and phone calls today. March smart, though. It doesn’t help if you hurt your financial security while flying all over the globe pushing for LGBTQ rights.
Again, hotels are expensive and sterile. Join Airbnb here to save $55 off your first stay and enjoy the experience of living like a local while you’re marching.
Use these travel rewards cards to save miles and hotel points, and save money traveling to your next march.
Again, here are our current, favorite travel rewards credit cards:
15. Practice monogamy
Some couples have open relationships. Some like to play together with others. It’s all good.
But, when you set the goal as a gay couple to be monogamous, you learn more about each other and what you both like in a more intimate way. Then, things get exciting.
One of our favorite ways to excite things is turning sex into a little game and making it more spontaneous with these sex dice.
Monogamy won’t be boring, as long as you keep things spicy.
16. Give at least 5% of our income to LGBTQ charities
On several occasions, we’ve heard and read that gay men give less than $45 a year to support our queer community. Unfortunately, we can’t find that documented anywhere now, but if it’s even close to true it’s concerning.
Studies also show that giving ranks as one of the lowest discretionary spends of our community, far below travel, dinging out and hygienic expenses. We want things to get better for us and, especially, LGBTQ youth. How will that happen when the organizations that help us, LGBTQ youth and LGBTQ seniors don’t have the funds they need?
If you’re able, giving even just $50 a month goes a long way to helping these organizations and, subsequently, those in our community who need it most.
Hear tips on how to give – smartly – to the queer community:
17. Have more sex more regularly
Speaking of bumping and grinding, two things happen the longer we’re together as a gay couple.
One, our sex drive slows down. Two, we run out of fun and interesting ways to have sex.
Set the goal as a couple to explore more. Whether that means hitting the local porn shop or buying toys online that do it for you, do it then do it. The more sex we have together, the closer we are as a couple and that’s a goal every gay couple enjoys.
Being prepared for more sex more regularly can be a full-time job for whoever bottoms. One way to be ready most of the time and to reduce the anxiety that can come when it’s time to do the deed is Pure for Men.
Pure for Men is a “specially formulated all-natural fiber blend to promote good health and good times.” It comes in an easy-to-swallow capsule and costs $26.99 for 120 capsules. That lasts one month if you take four per day or 2 each morning and 2 every night like us.
18. Start an LGBTQ supportive business
A National LGBT Chamber of Commerce (NGLCC) survey showed that there are over a million queer-owned businesses in the U.S. We contribute over $1.7 trillion to the U.S. economy!
Join us and the many other queer entrepreneurs and start a business as a couple (we did!) that supports your financial goals or even gives you a few extra bucks each month for all that travel you want to do together.
Plus, by earning a few extra Benjis, you may have more time and money to give to LGBTQ-causes and organizations that help our community in so many necessary ways.
See why we’re passionate about queer money, and why we did the 2019 Queer Money Live Tour:
19. Find an LGBTQ mentor
There are lots of ways to grow as an individual and as a couple. One way is to find another queer person or couple who can mentor you. This mentorship doesn’t have to be structured or formal.
The point is to learn from their experiences. What do they think they did right about their careers, their life choices, dating and finances? What do they wish they would’ve done differently?
We talked with real estate broker and investor, Martin Eiden, on Queer Money® about how he’s been so successful and what keeps him on his A-game. If you’re looking for mentorship to be the best version of yourselves, listen to this episode.
Hear from Martin on Queer Money® about being your best self:
20. Set 1 – 3 money goals
We already told you that gay couples who talk about money together have more sex, but what do you talk about after you’ve got the budget locked in, the bills are getting paid and your careers are going well?
Each couple should have at least one to three money goals that they can work on together. Each of you can have your own money goals and support each other accordingly. But, having at least one money goal you work on together strengthens your partnership, makes you feel like more of a team and gives you a mutual goal to celebrate.
Such money goals can be saving for an all-cash vacation somewhere new for both of you, starting a business together or setting and starting to work toward your retirement number (the amount of money you’d need to have saved and invested for retirement for you both to feel comfortable retiring).
This is one of the main sections in the Couples Money Guide, getting on the same page with your partner about money.
At $27, the Couples Money Guide will set you and your main man on a successful money path. Sign up by clicking here.
21. Talk about money every month
As talking about money is a catalyst to more and better sex, make the most of that news. Talk about your money at least monthly.
Make sure your bills are paid and your budget’s aligned. To help stay on the same page with your partner and to share more personal financial information with him as your relationship progresses, sign up for the Honeyfi App.
We use the Honeyfi App along with the Dynamic Budget in the Budget Buster Bundle. Honeyfi helps us manage our money on a day-to-day basis. The Dynamic Budget helps ensure all the bills are being paid and retirement contributions are being made on a month-to-month and year-to-year basis.
On average, new couples save $700 after signing up for Honeyfi. One Honeyfi subscription for you and your partner normally costs $59.99 if you pay annually (which works out to $5/month) or $9.99 if you pay monthly.
We negotiated a 10% discount for you, which works out to $54.00 annually or $9 monthly. Either way, you’ll get a 30-day free trial, and you can cancel anytime. Click here to get that 10% discount and more sex.
5 tips for living even more fabulously together
1. Workout better together
While we’re on the topic of more and better sex – oh and setting worthy gay couple goals – another aspirational goal is being healthier, both with dieting and exercise.
Twenty-minutes of cardio three to five times a week and 30-minutes of weight training two to three times a week will get your blood flowing, exercise your heart, increase your bone and muscle density, and improve your skin and mental health.
Exercising together will also increase your energy for all that travel and all those marches you’ll be doing together. As gay men over 40 rapidly approaching another decade who need more energy, we researched, interviewed and shared 5 Fitness Tips for Gay Men in Their 40s here.
We interviewed fitness pro and bodybuilder, Aaron Guy, who contributed greatly to that piece. You can watch that video interview with him below.
Watch Aaron Guy on Queer Money®:
2. Eat better together
Now about the eating better together part . . . eating healthy complements everything cardio and weight training does. It improves blood flow, provides nutrients to your heart, brain blood cells and skin, improves skin tone and mental health and just makes you feel better overall.
Most people assume eating better means spending more money. This isn’t true. It just requires a strategy and grocery shopping smarts. Click here to see how we saved $30,000 a year by grocery shopping smarter and still eating healthy.
3. Talk with each other better together
No amount of talking will help if you don’t know how to properly communicate with each other. Some couples get this innately. Others struggle.
If you’re currently in the latter group or you have been with most of your past relationships, make this a gay couple goal of yours . . . talking with each other better. Fortunately, you don’t have to buy a bunch of books and hope you’re doing it right. We recommend working with a counselor at HealthSapiens.
Counselors at HealthSapiens can help improve your communication with each other, make sure you’re on the same page and hit all these relationships, life and money goals. Plus, HealthSapiens counselors are trained specially for LGBT issues, so they’re culturally competent.
With HealthSapiens, you’ll have access to great therapists from anywhere in the U.S. You can contact them via phone, text, video chat or face-to-face. You can schedule weekly sessions and meet when it’s convenient for you. With their help, you can be sure you and your partner are on the same money page and you truly support each other in your individual life goals.
The best part. You get all this for way less than a traditional counselor, just $30 a week.
Watch this short video to learn more:
Why should you choose HealthSapiens over traditional therapy?
Consider these comparisons.
We all bring a lot of emotions into our relationships. We all have a lot of emotions around money. That’s why we suggest using HealthSapiens to make sure you and your partner have happy, healthy lines of communication.
That’s, also, why we’ve partnered with HealthSapiens to get you this special pricing that’s $77 a month less than the normal retail price.
4. Serve the queer community better together
It feels like every time our community makes progress, there’s a politician or party eager to take us backward. As we said above, this is one of the leading reasons we’re so passionate about queer money.
The more financially secure we are as individuals, the more financially secure we are as a community. The more financially secure we are as a community, the more time and money we have to push for our rights. Your financial security as a couple and our financial security as a community will make those votes, marches and fundraisers more impactful. Then, maybe someday, so many LGBTQ kids won’t be homeless.
Simply put, our financial security is our steppingstone to equality.
Our community needs more advocates, and you and your gay guy are the advocates our community needs. You can inspire and encourage more in our community to follow your footsteps, causing the movement to grow by leaps and bounds.
We were fortunate enough to interview Tim Gill on the Queer Money® podcast. Tim is the single largest individual donor to the LGBTQ rights movement in U.S. history, having personally committed more than $500 million since the early 1990s.
Hear how Tim thinks we can give smarter to our community:
5. Think better together
Your spiritual practice as a gay couple is as important as anything listed above. We’ve had some dark times, and one of the ways we’ve overcome them and been together for two decades is our spiritual practice.
What does that include? Daily (as best we can), we read, often together; meditate; journal; recite individual affirmations; exercise and make space to share our deepest feelings.
You can follow exactly what we do and record your personal progress with our Living Fabulous Daily Journal that you can download here.
We shared on Queer Money® a real-life example of how this practice pulled us out of one of our darkest times and helped us continue on our most desired path. Listen to that below.
Hear how our daily spiritual practice helped during one of our darkest times:
Then, download your free copy of our Living Fabulous Daily Journal here.
How to set targeted gay couple goals using the Q.U.E.E.R. method
Another tool we’ve used to stay focused on our gay couple goals is, what we call, the Q.U.E.E.R. method. Most workers are familiar with setting S.M.A.R.T. goals.
Businesses often use this method at the beginning of a new year and each quarter thereafter to help employees set and progress with annual goals that align with the business’s goals. We created a method that’s more adaptable and supportive of the queer community for personal goals. Q.U.E.E.R. stands for:
As you can probably guess, we talk in-depth on Queer Money® about how we use (and you can, too) this tool helps you and your guy become a successful gay power couple.
Hear how to reach bigger, better goals the Q.U.E.E.R. way:
Then, download this cheat sheet to follow the Q.U.E.E.R. Method year-after-year by clicking this link here.