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The best tips and grooming products for bottoms
When done right with the right man, few things are better than bottoming. Doing it right means tending to your bottom, though, too. Get our best bottoming below and your free copy of the 5 Building Blocks of a Happy Gay Life here.
Being an out and proud bottom
We read and hear about bottom shaming in the gay community quite a lot. But to be honest, we’ve never experienced it ourselves. Maybe that’s because we refuse to be ashamed about what gives us sexual pleasure.
We’ve dealt enough with unwarranted shame. As two grown, gay men, we own and enjoy our sex lives. Sex between or among gay men is as beautiful as sex between anyone else.
One of us is predominately a top and the other predominantly a bottom, which works out perfectly for us. But whatever your preference and dynamic, enjoy it. Love it and do it as often as you like.
It’s your life, and sex is one of life’s best gifts. If you’re lucky enough to be gay and even luckier to enjoy the feeling of having another man inside you, awesome for you and the man or men with whom you have sex.
There’s no bottom shaming here, but there are things to know about bottoming.
10 tips for bottoming
We love making love to each other. There’s just nothing that beats being so close and intimate with our most favorite guy in the world. As much and as often as we enjoy sex, there’s usually a little more work involved to have anal sex.
There are times when we plan on having sex, such as a play date, as we call it. This is either an afternoon or evening that we’ve reserved a few hours of fun. This is typically easier to prepare for as the bottom.
Other times, the urges take us over and we need it whether it’s planned or not.
Whether your anal sex is planned or spontaneous, there’s a way to always be ready or almost ready.
1. Know your HIV status
Our first tip for bottoming (and topping) is to know your HIV status and the HIV status of the man or men with whom you’re having sex.
Most major and even many smaller cities offer free clinics. You can also buy a Rapid Self-Test at your local pharmacy and get your status in privacy within about 20 minutes by swabbing your gums. Or you could order a Mail-In Self-Test using the pin-prick method. The latter, of course, takes longer.
Each option has its pros and cons, but knowing your and your partners’ HIV status is hugely empowering. Being open and honest about your HIV status can help you plan appropriately for safe and enjoyable sex.
Both PrEP and TasP help fight the spread of HIV.
2. Use condoms
Disconcertingly, with the success of PrEP and TasP, condoms have become passe. The thing is, neither PrEP nor TasP are 100% guaranteed to prevent the contraction of HIV. Likewise, there are other STDs we can catch when having unprotected sex.
To be fair, we don’t use condoms with each other because we’ve been together for over 18 years and, at this point, we are each other’s whole sex life. If you’re not in a monogamous relationship or you’re planning a play date or marathon day with others, please, please, please use condoms even if you’re using PrEP or TasP.
Gay porn seems to have stopped having its performers use condoms, but porn isn’t real life.
3. Eat a diet high in fiber
Look, you should be eating a diet high in fiber anyway. Better bottoming is just icing on the cake (or salad) for eating a high fiber diet.
A diet high in fiber has been shown to help lower cholesterol, moderate blood sugar levels, help to maintain a healthy weight and live longer. Those are enough reasons right there.
A high fiber diet also helps you maintain healthy bowels and makes bowel movements, #2s, regular and predictable. That helps reduce surprises when having anal sex.
4. Try supplements
They aren’t for every man, but fiber supplements help many bottoms be at least always-almost ready to bottom. With that, we’re huge fans of Pure for Men.
We’ve been using Pure for Men for years and have recommended it to friends and strangers alike. It’s increased our confidence when we have anal sex and lets us have more unplanned butt sex.
Everyone’s body’s different, so what works for us may not work for you. Other supplements may be better for you or supplements may not work for you at all.
When you try a fiber supplement, follow the instructions that come with your supplements for getting started.
With that, we’ve heard and read about guys taking drastic measures with diarrhea treatments to prepare for bottoming. This is usually the case when they’re planning marathon sex or going to a bathhouse or sex party. We avoid diarrhea treatments and don’t recommend them.
Diarrhea medications can increase your chances of dehydration, which can have serious health consequences. Not to mention, it can do a number on your stomach.
If you’re planning marathon sex or a trip to the bathhouse or a sex party, follow the other instructions in this article and maybe cut back a little on your food intake before you start having sex, and you’ll be fine.
5. Cleaning before bottoming
When we were younger and saw in movies ladies telling their partners that they needed to “freshen up” in the bathroom before they had sex, we weren’t quite sure what the hell they all had to do.
Now we know!
Whether for a scheduled playdate or spontaneous morning sex – we love morning sex – a quick trip to the bathroom to “freshen up” is always in order.
At the very least, you’ll want to wash your nether region with soap and water. Remember to use your index finger to poke your hole with a little amount of soap and water, too. This is often all that we need to do for spontaneous sex because we take Pure for Men.
If you’re not using Pure for Men or aren’t sure if you’re bowels are empty, you’ll want to douche. Unless you’re planning for marathon sex, douching with a simple hand-held, rubber douche and room temperature mineral water is fine. This is the rubber douche that we use.
If you’re planning for marathon sex, you’ll want to take your time with douching. The best method for that is a slow drip from a hot water bottle, again only using room temperature mineral water. This is our hot water bottle.
6. Practice bottoming either alone or with someone else
Your first time bottoming, as with your first time doing anything sexual, can be a little stressful. And to be fair, most of us try bottoming for the first time because we’re caught up in a moment and are horny.
But practicing in advance of your first time, especially, can be super helpful and help build your confidence.
For this, again, your finger is a good start. Then, you’ll want to try a small or medium size dildo. Here are good dildos for starting.
Be gentle with yourself and take your time. Even if this is just you, it should still feel pleasurable. If you want the experience of giving up some control without necessarily having sex, let your partner take control of the dildo for you. This can be very enjoyable in a very different way for both of you.
7. Use lube (liberally)
Whether it’s your first time, your millionth time, your finger or a well-hung guy, use lube.
The anus doesn’t produce its own lubricant and the anal wall can tear easily. This is why you’ll want to take it slow each and every time you initiate sex and why you’ll want to use a good amount of lube.
We started using Gun Oil many years ago when a friend started working for the maker of Gun Oil, and we’ve never changed. Our lube of choice is this water-based Gun Oil.
It’s not sticky, it’s easy to clean and neither of us has an allergic reaction. The key difference between water-based and oil-based lubes is that oil-based can often last longer and is frequently recommended when using anal toys. For us, however, we simply apply more Gun Oil when whatever we’re using, a penis or a toy, feels dry. Another trick is adding a little water.
8. Know your limits
As with anything sexual, you’ll want to know your limits. This is why practicing on yourself first is a great idea.
What all are you willing to do and not do sexually? How rough are you comfortable getting with anal sex? If you’re playing with toys especially, but even some larger guys, how much are you willing to put inside you?
These questions are best answered by practicing a little by yourself and maybe even a practice session or two with a partner.
9. Communicate your limits
The best sex is ultimately with the person or people you can truly trust. This is a huge reason why we still thoroughly enjoy having sex with each other even after 18 years.
We 100% trust each other and when we’re going to try something different, we know we can trust the other to slow down or stop when we ask. That said, we usually start sex with the bottom being on top facing the top. This gives the bottom control and allows time for both the internal and external sphincters to relax. Once this happens, the fun really begins.
So, however aggressive or playful you and your partner(s) want to be, always communicate your boundaries.
10. Exercise your anus
A bottom’s work is never done. Never. For your pleasure and the pleasure of the men you have sex with, regularly exercise your anus.
Your anus has two rings, your internal and external sphincters. Your internal sphincter is an involuntary muscle and is closed except for when you go to the bathroom to relieve your bowels. Your external sphincter is a voluntary muscle.
There are many reasons, not just anal sex – it’s not a gay problem – why your sphincters can become weak. As with any muscle, exercise can help keep them stronger, and stronger anal sphincters can create more pleasure for you and your partners, especially if you learn to better control your external sphincter.
To exercise these muscles, clench your sphincter 50% and 100% several times a day between 5 to 10 clenches each time. This exercise is called Kegels. Kegeling can be done sitting or standing up – you can literally do this at almost any time and will help keep your muscles in great shape for anal sex.
To get better control of your anal muscles for when you’re having sex, do these same Kegel exercises when there’s either a penis or dildo inside you. This requires a different level of concentration and can give you more control (i.e., give your partners more pleasure) when you’re having sex.
Products for your bottoming pleasure
When it comes to anal pleasure, there’s no shortage of ways to make it better. Go to any adult bookstore and you’ll literally see a wall of things you can put in yours or your partner’s butt. And there are many ways to make that even more fun.
Below are some of our favorites.
1. Sex dice
Whether it’s just 2 of you or a slew of you, sex dice are a fun and easy way to spice up a sex night. Sex dice are great because no one knows who’s gonna get what . . . and that’s the fun. Just roll the dice and put yourselves at the mercy or pleasure of fate.
These sex dice glow in the dark, which is why we love them. Because who wants to have sex with all the lights on? With your order, you’ll get 4 dice, 2 with various sexual positions, 1 with action words, like “Lick” and “Blow” and 1 with the names of body parts, like “Thigh” and “Nipple.”
2. Truth or Dare
Madonna has nothing on this sexually charged version of Truth or Dare!
Filled with 50 naughty truths and 50 risqué dares, you, your ass and your guy(s) will be full “revealing” your deepest, darkest pleasures. All that fun for $8.95 is perfect for the sexual couple on a budget.
3. Blocks of Desire
Want the best of both sex dice and Truth or Dare? Then try our new favorite sex game, Blocks of Desire that you can get for $35.99 here.
We’ve filled many a Saturday and Sunday with this fun game. We’ll play some fun music, stream porn to the TV (sound off), and have several hours of play. It’s a great way to have lots of varying sexual pleasure over a long period.
4. Sex toys
If you’re not sure where to start with your sex toy kit, we suggest this nylon and leather sex toy set.
At just $23.00, they’ll get way more from you than they ever expected, and you’ll get a lifetime of thank yous. Spread the love with nights of endless fun.
5. Sexy underwear
We don’t know about you but seeing our sex man in sexy underwear really sets the mood if it didn’t already set it off. And what we’ve found is the best gay underwear is this Andrew Christian underwear here.
For as little as $16 a month, you and your man can have stylish underwear sent to his mailbox each month. This tees up the chance for exciting, exploratory sex at least once a month (at least, it does for us).
6. Pure for Men
Again, we can’t say enough great things about Pure for Men, which you can get here.
At $27 for a bottle of 120 capsules, it more than pays for itself “in the end,” and that’s a ton of endless pleasure.
7. Anal douche
No matter how ready you may be, you’ll always want to freshen up a little. When we need a freshen up a little more, we use this anal douche.
This anal douche is perfect because it travels nicely because the shaft can be inserted into the bubble (we’re talking about the douche here) and can be collapsed in your luggage or travel bag.
8. Gun Oil
Our favorite anal lube, which we use when douching and when having sex, is Gun Oil here.
Again, it’s water-based, leaves very little mess, is easily cleaned up and can go further with just a little water. Get yours here.
9. Pure for Men Wipes
There will be those times when you know you’re empty and you just need a little freshening up, no douching required. For those moments, we save time with these Pure for Men, eco-responsible butt wipes.
They’re super discrete, which means they pack nicely in your luggage or a few can be put into a sandwich bag and taken to a club (if that’s your thing). They’re 100% biodegradable, unscented, made with aloe and less than $10 here.
Products for keeping your bottom beautiful
If you want men to play in your backyard more, you’ll want to keep your backyard well-groomed. Below are some of our favorite grooming products for bottoms.
1. Trim it with Philips Norelco Bodygroom
Some guys like it hairy and some don’t. If your man or men prefer less hair than more, we suggest the Philips Norelco Bodygroom.
With no attachments and five adjustable lengths, you can easily stay well-groomed without the risk of losing parts or losing your bits. Get the best of the best for your best for under $70 here.
2. Shave it smooth
Other men like a smooth-shaven ass, but if you’re going down there with a razor you want the best razor. That’s why we recommend this Gillette Fusion 5 razor with blade refills.
The Gillette handle’s solid and the razors are frictionless, which is perfect for shaving sensitive skin that you want to keep sensitive. The razors, when new, are the best available for cutting the hair clean and reducing the risk of ingrown hairs.
3. Moisturize it with shave cream
We’re, again, looking for the best of the best here. That’s why we highly recommend Neutrogena’s Men’s Skin Clearing Shave Cream Oil-Free Shaving Cream.
Neutrogena’s shave cream for men helps reduce irritation and create a smoother shave, which is just what your guy wants. For the benefit, it’s well worth the cost of having it delivered straight to your door.
4. Wax it with anal wax
No matter how good the products are that you use to clean yourself, you’ll always end up with a little stubble within a few hours. This can cause a problem because putting a sensitive penis on stubble can ruin a good time.
Don’t want to invest all that time for such little time? Try Nad’s for Men Body Wax Strips.
No heat and no mess are required for the quick removal of your anal hair. Twenty strips should last you 10 treatments, especially if you keep up with the hair growth.
5. Keep it smooth and shiny with butt butter
We put cream on our faces every day and every night all to eliminate even the faintest lines. Why not do the same for our butt? We love and use Honeydew Butt Enhancement Cream.
It helps fight the aging look on your butt and keeps it nice and polished. That’s worth the $10 an ounce.
6. Keep your balls fresh
When you’re playing back there, you know there will be some crossing of the lines into your sack region. Whether to reduce irritation, sweaty balls from dancing at the clubs or swamp ass from a hot day with a hot date, use Fresh Balls to fight all the junk that can build up on your junk.
Talc-free, paraben-free and aluminum-free, Fresh Balls goes on your nuts like lotion and keeps it fresh better than powder. Give it a try here.
7. Smell good (down there)
Last butt (hee! hee!) not least, keep it smelling fresh down there. After you’ve cleaned out your inside, clean up the outside and put the finishing touches on smelling inviting down there with Dr. Squatch Soap.
Dr. Squatch is our new, favorite personal hygiene product this year. Its soaps come in pine tar (yes, pine tar), cedar citrus and bay rum. Those yummy scents will keep your man tossing that salad for days. Sign up for that anal pleasure here.
Those are our best ins and outs for preparing for and playing in the back.
Look! Anal sex between men is fun. You and your man or men should enjoy it and do it as much as you want. Just be open to it, be open to new feelings, communicate well and relax, and you’ll have the most fun ever.
Get more tips for an awesome, gay life:
- Gay Las Vegas Ultimate Guide 2021
- How to Start Being a Happy Gay Man
- 5 Ways Gay Men Can Use the Law of Attraction