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A Yuletide Diatribe

  December 25, 2017  |    #Eliminate Debt

To yuletide doesn’t mean to go broke

Let’s face it, businesses – specifically retailers – have created a three-month spending spree for the American consumer to squander what pittance remains of their measly unwashed wages. To yuletide for many means overspending, overextending and over shopping. It doesn’t have to be this way.

A dash of salty on this yuletide

Even before the last piece of Halloween candy was doled out to the diehard customers on All Hallows’ Eve, Christmas decorations were hung in stores with the hopes of mesmerizing consumers into forgetting the once held tradition of starting Christmas shopping on Black Friday.

Fanatics and opportunistic media whores shriek of “the war on Christmas”, but it’s not just the PC Police homogenizing the holidays. Hallothx!mas is doing a better job than any secularist ever could.

Black Friday is Black Friday not to be a racist way of describing the harbored feelings of married white men abandoned with their thoughts on mall benches countrywide. The black in Black Friday references accounting terms used to describe the profitability of businesses.

A business in the red is not profitable. A business in the black is profitable. Black Friday became such because the day after Thanksgiving, once the official start of the holiday shopping season, was the first day may retailers used to see profits.

Retailers would to yuletide all year

But, as Christmas bled into Thanksgiving and Thanksgiving into Halloween, Trick or Treating should be renamed “prepubescent candy grab for holiday candy bowls”. Why does anyone need a Halloween greeting card? Must I now mail greeting cards for Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas and all religious holidays I don’t celebrate to avoid appearing cheap, waring on holidays or being religionist?

Is that a word?

Forgive my rant, but I’m maxed out on guilt induced spending. We made it through Halloween okay. We didn’t even buy a pumpkin that only we’d see and was destined for the trash. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust is for gourds, too. Since Thanksgiving, the world between the Atlantic and Pacific and between 30-degrees and 50-degrees north has been fully immersed in holiday festivities.

Spend less, yuletide more

Our family extended last year’s agreement of children-only gifting. It’s too stressful and some of us have financial goals annually thwarted by the expectation to overspend in the name of sweet Baby Jesus who, according to most religious scholars, was likely born between May and August (sorry Mike Seaver).

To stay firm in my tradition of avoiding malls and non-grocers between Black Friday and New Year’s Aft, we completed our childrenz Christmas shopping two Sundays ago – blue laws be damned.

Today, we’ll travel over Platte River and through Highlands Ranch for a yuletide of cooking, wining and dining. This feast will be a culinary amalgamation of contributions on which yours truly will only spend $100. This is after we spent about $205 on various bottles of wine for bosses, co-workers, Christmas cards and minding Ms. Manners by not showing up at a yuletide celebration without a tangible token thank you.

All totaled, including gifts under our tree and other expenses, we’ll likely spend over $700 in cold, hard cash this yuletide season even though we’ve made slightly less than lazy attempts to not overspend.

We could be Scroogey curmudgeons and refuse to spend a dime on anything Xmasy, but then how would companies make fourth-quarter earnings? Someone must think of corporate America.

Happy yuletide to you and yours!

More ways to yuletide better:

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