Hi there! You new here? We love that you found our gay little corner of the web. Here at Debt Free Guys, we’re all about helping queer people live lives they truly love inside and out. We think happiness is a 360-degree experience (purpose, love, money, wellness, and lifestyle) that you also deserve. After reading our article below, see how we can help you more here.
What’s your big gay purpose?
We were asked (again) about how to get a partner to talk about money. Our answer this time is a bit of a twist. Then, make talking about money and finding your gay purpose easier by getting the free 5 Building Blocks of a Happy Gay Life.
A question about talking about money with a partner
We’re answering another listener’s question on this week’s Queer Money®. Dale asked, “Would you do a podcast about one partner in a relationship who is severely in debt while the other is financially sound? I have no debt and a good credit score. My partner has $16,000 in debt and has a poor credit score. I tried helping him because it’s really holding both of us back and have had no luck. We live together and aren’t married. Do you have any advice?”
Get our favorite tips to talk about money with a partner:
This is a great Queer Money® topic because most couples, especially gay couples who must appear “fabulous”, rarely talk about money when they get together. We get together because of hormones and pheromones, not debt-to-income ratios.
However, financial stress is the leading cause of relationship stress.
How to start the talk about money
To get the conversation started, Dale should say to his partner, “I heard the Debt Free Guys say on Queer Money® that all couples should do this exercise to have a successful relationship.” Our advice to Dale and his partner (and other couples) who need to talk about money is to first figure out what you want most out of life, figure out your hopes and dreams as individuals and as a couple. Then, he and Dale should align their spending with these values.
It’s important to focus first on the positive, big picture goals to start the talk about money on a positive note.
Because Dale’s partner’s $16,000 of credit card debt and poor credit score is already causing friction in their relationship, Dale should encourage his partner to sign up for the Credit Card Pay Off Course.
But how do you figure out what you want most out of life? Ask yourself, if you have a gay purpose? Do you have an Ikigai?
What’s your ikigai? (What’s your purpose?)
We talk a lot about how to talk about money. In fact, listen to Queer Money® episodes 40 and 41 for more tips. Today, we want to take this conversation deeper because we think gay men need to start asking better questions and having deeper conversations.
If one only looked at Out and Advocate or searched on YouTube, they would think gay men only care about, what we call, the 3Ps – Penis, Politics and Pop culture. Oh, and we’re as obsessed with getting married as a Disney princess, but this may be more because marriage is still relatively new for us.
But is there more to being a fulfilled, happy gay man? Yes! There’s much more, and we need to start reaching for that. Otherwise, we gay men will continue to bury ourselves in debt and we’ll be answering this same question a million different ways in perpetuity.
The Japanese have a word (actually lifestyle) called “ikigai”. Loosely translated, it means “a purpose for living.” A true ikigai is more than buying that fabulous house or being around to see Britney finally get the love and respect she deserved all along.
It’s a deeper gay purpose, a higher queer calling.
Your gay purpose, your ikigai is the intersection of:
- What you love doing
- What you’re good at doing
- What the world needs
- What you can get paid WELL for doing
When you find something that meets all four of those requirements, you’ve found your ikigai or your purpose for living. Unfortunately, too many of us, gay men included especially, have never given ourselves the time and the space to figure this out.
Even more unfortunate is that your purpose is half of the foundation of a happy gay life, the other half being direction. Having direction and purpose is the foundation of a happy gay life, and this is the very reason we created the new 5 Building Blocks to a Happy Gay Life.
So, to take our advice for talking with your partner about money a step further, we suggest talking with your partner to uncover your individual and mutual ikigai.
We talk more about the fun in discovering your gay purpose here:
How can you get more Debt Free Guys and Queer Money®?
Here are more tools to help you find your gay purpose:
- How to Start Being a Happy Gay Man
- 5 Habits of Highly Successful LGBTQ People
- 5 Tips for Talking about Money with Your Partner
We’re David and John Auten-Schneider, the Debt Free Guys (www.debtfreeguys.com) and hosts of the Queer Money® podcast. We help queer people (and allies) live fabulously not fabulously broke by helping them 1) pay off credit card debt, 2) become part- or full-time entrepreneurs and 3) save and invest for retirement.